The
intention of entering into a relationship is to marry, yes? Who enters
into a relationship with somebody you know you couldn't trust and build
life with? Why waste time in something you know will end at some
point anyway?
A
lot of people nowadays are in a relationship just because. Most of us
settle never knowing who we are that it almost never spells anything
other than heartache. I cringe at the current divorce rate and the
number of broken families worldwide - how they're growing exponentially
over the years! Its devastating emotional, mental and spiritual impact
upon a home is very sad! And there's nothing more frightening than
knowing that our children and the next generations will think
that broken marriages are normal and that marriages which are godly and
successful (God-established and God-centered) are rarity only if you
are lucky! And we know there's no such thing called luck!
I'm not magnifying this heartbreaking reality to instill fear in our hearts, but rather raise awareness and a call for the unmarried desiring to get married to be discerning and cautious before making a very important decision.
Please keep this in mind as you continue reading this post that I'm not perfect (also not a relationship expert), so I don't expect anyone or my future spouse to be either. I understand that love, unity, and harmony in marriage is something that two people will be working toward for the rest of their lives as they focus on Christ, and not something that they should expect immediately from each other. However, we also know how we live in a fallen world full of distractions! That's exactly why this list is birthed.
WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?
- It's a list that depends on who I am that helps me think beyond the surface into areas that are really important to me. A list of attributes to which I respond negatively that the presence of them altogether may mean I wouldn't want to waste my time in the area of pursuing. It might be different from yours, and that's okay.
Top 10
1. Not a Disciple of Jesus
As
a follower of Jesus, I'm holding out for someone who is born again in Christ and
is actively in the pursuit towards holiness and to good works - unto Christlikeness. A Holy Spirit-filled and led man who doesn't just talk about God or wonderfully dressed as a "Christian", but lives
for God and his love for God (a natural outflow from his deep understanding of God's love and grace spoken in Ephesians 5:25-29), supersedes everything else in his life. A disciple-making man totally sold out in fulfilling the Great Commission, seeking the lost and pouring out his life into others for His kingdom's cause and glory!
2. No "sound" fellowship and accountability
I'm against false teachings watering down the Gospel. People who are sold out for Christ wouldn't want to listen, follow nor allow anything or anyone corrupt their walk with Him. It is our task to test and discern spirits, not to be tossed to and fro as Paul says in Ephesians 4:14.
Another crucial aspect of our walk are the people whom we form relationships with, who we usually listen to and surround ourselves with. It's very important to take into consideration the kind of friends a person has. If a person confides in, and constantly seeks advice from his carnal and lukewarm friends, that might be an indicator that the he/she may be too! "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3 I'm not in any way saying that one can't have unbeliever friends. What I'm saying is that when we take delight in the company of unbelievers, we run the risk of getting influenced by them. We could very well adopt their language, habits, behaviors, and moral outlook on life as "normal". This is why Paul warned us long ago in 1 Corinthians 15:33 not to be misled regarding bad company. It has the dangers to pollute our walk with Christ and eventually cause our faith to waver. I'm for someone who has "sound" mentors, fellowships, and close circle of friends.
I'm against false teachings watering down the Gospel. People who are sold out for Christ wouldn't want to listen, follow nor allow anything or anyone corrupt their walk with Him. It is our task to test and discern spirits, not to be tossed to and fro as Paul says in Ephesians 4:14.
Another crucial aspect of our walk are the people whom we form relationships with, who we usually listen to and surround ourselves with. It's very important to take into consideration the kind of friends a person has. If a person confides in, and constantly seeks advice from his carnal and lukewarm friends, that might be an indicator that the he/she may be too! "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3 I'm not in any way saying that one can't have unbeliever friends. What I'm saying is that when we take delight in the company of unbelievers, we run the risk of getting influenced by them. We could very well adopt their language, habits, behaviors, and moral outlook on life as "normal". This is why Paul warned us long ago in 1 Corinthians 15:33 not to be misled regarding bad company. It has the dangers to pollute our walk with Christ and eventually cause our faith to waver. I'm for someone who has "sound" mentors, fellowships, and close circle of friends.
3. Abuses or Misuses his body
People who know and love God don't abuse the temple of God. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 tells us that. As
someone whose desire is to please God, I am holding out for someone who
has the commitment in keeping his body healthy and
pleasing to God's sight as we find in Romans 12:1-2, presenting it as a living sacrifice.
4. Unmatched visions and goals
When goals and visions for
the future don't overlap at all, then the relationship doesn't much have
of a chance. Do we have the same belief system when it comes to children in marriage, friendship of the opposite sex, finances, ministry, and any other major areas of life? Building and growing together
under the same values and visions is very important. As it provides a stable environment for
both of us especially for carrying out God's will as disciples witnessing to the broken world, especially raising our own future child/ren in the confines of our home.
5. Unaware of his God-given role
The
role of a husband is a protector, provider, and a priest. I'm holding out for
someone who is not just capable of providing as it's not about the type of work or how much a person earns, but
that he's being guided by sense of purpose to protect and pastor his own flesh (wife, made one flesh) — joyfully embracing and fulfilling his God-given privileges as a husband.
6. Mentally and emotionally immatureGod created lines of authority for godly and harmonious relationships in church and homes as we see in 1 Corinthians 11:3. God simply wants men to lead and women to submit. Nowadays, people got it all mixed up. Women have taken over because of the incapability of the men to lead. There are also cases that women just want to be in control. And I think this one of the reasons why we are in the grip of a devastating epidemic of broken marriages. I like that God has set an order in marriage spoken in Ephesians 5:22-24.
As someone who wants to maintain peace within me, I'm holding out for somebody with a similar level of interest and ability to communicate especially expectations in situations. Not just talking but talking honesty through all the issues in a timely and respectful manner. Somebody who is present and does not mock or dismiss concerns no matter how little or big it is. Somebody who is always open to learning and growing, and who can humbly correct people when they're wrong and who does not have a problem admitting when he is wrong.
7. Tendency to always find fault and hold grudge; Cynical
Being a believer and cynicism don't mix together. At the feet of God, there is only positivism, encouragement, and empowering one another. As someone who does not want and who cannot dwell in an environment full of negativity, dramas, and all kinds of fuss - I do not see myself with somebody who has a chip on his shoulder, who complains all the time, and who finds fault with everyone and everything.
8. Regularly communicates to exes or multiple women
I'm holding out for someone who has taken the time to heal, has made peace with himself, and knows how to respect women enough to not lead them on nor make them stumble.
9. Previously married
I'm holding out for someone
who has not been married and does not have kids from previous
relationships. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and want to have my own children in my
marriage.
10. Too serious
I'm
goofy and silly. I love making people smile and laugh! You bet I'm one
of them people who has a need for fun and laughter. And I'm holding out
for
somebody who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life, just not at the expense of others.
As we wait for the person God has specifically designed for us, it's important that we also live according to the standards He’s set for us. What about you—what are your non-negotiables? I hope this gave you something meaningful to reflect on. :)
